what held me back, and why I’m finally letting go.
The main thing that’s been holding me back — is not knowing where to start.
What’s my first article going to be? I can’t just publish something without an intro, can I?
Well… I guess I can. There are no rules to this. I set my own.
Yet, it’s felt wrong to publish something without sharing where it all comes from.
This blog is my journal, in a way. Well, not exactly — but inspired by it.
When I was 14, I went through my first heartbreak — post-summer fling, the typical island love that lives on in songs. I didn’t know how to cope, so I started writing. But back then, I wasn’t writing in my own words. I filled the pages with song lyrics, quotes, texts from articles I resonated with (or rather helped me dwell in my melancholy and come out a badder bitch (we’ve all been there)) — external voices that felt truer than mine.
Eventually, I wondered… what would happen if I just wrote what I was thinking?
At the time (and it’s an ongoing battle), I struggled with imposter syndrome and a deep lack of self-trust. Writing in my own voice felt daunting. So I mimicked. I tried to write what I thought I should write — “Dear…”
Dear who?
Dear diary?
Dear me?
Dear future me?
I don’t remember what I settled on — but at some point, I moved past that awkward first line. I wrote. Maybe about my day. A story. An observation. It didn’t feel fully mine at first. But eventually, in a moment of emotional chaos, I dropped the filter. I needed to speak to someone — so I picked up my pen, and that was the start of the longest relationship of my life: me and the page (and for your peace of mind, she’s still going strong).
There’s something beautiful that happens when you let go.
When you stop trying to sound right, and allow yourself to sound real.
The moment you drop the second voice — the judgmental narrator in your head — is the moment you start to flow. That’s when you start hearing yourself clearly. That’s when writing becomes a form of being (and where journalling becomes impactful).
I’ve journaled religiously ever since. I’m talking about always having my journal in my purse kind of religion. And I’ve known, deep down, that my words are meant to reach others. But for that to happen, I had to stop hiding. Stop rewriting. Stop waiting for things to be perfect.
Which brings me to today.
Because here’s the truth: I almost didn’t publish this.
Not because I didn’t want to. But because… perfectionism.
the mud trap of perfectionism
That’s why I’m starting here — with the very thing that’s held me back most: perfectionism.
I used to throw the word around casually — as if it were a cute personality trait. But then, I saw it for what it really is: not a quirk, but a fear-based way of living.
Take this blog, for example. I’ve been thinking about launching it for months.
But I kept telling myself the site wasn’t “ready” (as if “ready” was ever a thing). I edited every post to death, tweaking until the soul of it was gone.
This is where I started noticing the fine line between perfectionism and ambition. They look similar on the surface — but they couldn’t be more different underneath.
Perfectionism isn’t about striving for excellence — it’s about fearing anything less than it.
It breeds a fixed mindset where success is tied to self-worth, and setbacks feel like failures, not feedback.
It makes you value outcome over process.
It keeps you stuck.
It makes you afraid to begin.
And worse — it makes you believe that the work has no value unless it’s flawless.
Jay Shetty put it perfectly in a newsletter I randomly opened this week (the timing?! Universe, you win):
“Perfection is a made-up concept.”
And striving for it keeps us from doing anything at all.
How true is that? When you start a project with 100% as the standard, it’s daunting. If you lean toward perfectionism, it’s paralyzing. And most often, it leads to an idea that never sees the light of day.
the freedom of ambition
Ambition, on the other hand, is movement.
It’s driven by growth, not fear.
It allows for mistakes, trial and error, curiosity.
It sees setbacks as lessons, not verdicts.
Ambition says: try, fail, learn, grow, try again.
Perfectionism says: don’t even start unless it’s flawless.
so, how do we shift?
ask yourself:
- Am I aiming to grow, or chasing flawlessness?
- Am I allowing myself to experiment?
- Do I celebrate progress, or only polished outcomes?
- Is my goal coming from self-improvement or self-judgment?
We grow when we allow ourselves to show up as we are — not as some perfect future version.
the 70% rule
Jay Shetty calls it the 70% rule:
“Get it 70% done: never less, rarely more. Then release it, let it go, move on.”
The first 70% is the work. The final 30%?
Most of it won’t even be noticed. That’s the perfectionism, the subjective tweaking, and a buffer you can go back to later.
So here I am. Releasing this blog at 70%.
Not because I don’t care. The goal isn’t to stop caring — it’s to care in a way that moves, not paralyzes. That’s ambition, not perfectionism. I’m writing this once, editing it once, and releasing it. And the interpretations, the impact — that’s out of my control now. It’ll unfold through the eyes of whoever finds it.
I created With Me With You as a space for reflection, for connection, for noticing.
To invite you to pause and question things a little more.
To wonder why we act the way we do, feel what we feel, and how we can move with more honesty and clarity in the world.
You’ll find personal thoughts here — but also research, references, and tools.
You’ll find writing that starts with the self, but turns the lens toward you.
Because that’s what I’ve always done: observed, thought too much, searched for answers, and wrote until they made sense.
I’ll be writing about the things that make us human — identity, relationships, psychology, femininity, and the moments in between. I’ll also be opening a Reading Room soon for book lovers who underline and dog-ear their way through every page.
So thank you for being here.
Thank you for meeting me in this beginning — imperfect, honest, 70% me. We’ll build it up from here.
With love,
Marguerite
going deeper
I highly recommend reading Jay Shetty’s “6 Steps to Overcome the Perfectionist Mindset”. It offers practical insights to help you break free from perfectionism and embrace progress.
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